“Once upon a time there was a knight…” the baby sitter started then was quickly interrupted.
“Oh! Can his name be Seth!”
The baby sitter giggled. “All right, the knight can be named Seth. So Seth was a knight and he had a page who…” She was interrupted by the second boy this time.
“Whose name was Adam!”
She nodded, “Of course! Where would Seth be without Adam? Now… where was I?”
“You were at ‘Once upon a time,’ Miss Crystal,” Seth reminded her.
“Right. So once upon a time…”
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Once upon a time there was a knight and his page. The knight’s name was Seth and he was courageous and brave and a very quick thinker. His page had a name too and he was brave and a quick thinker but he was more brash than Seth was. If someone spoke out against the knight, Adam would stand up and tell them to be quiet in a very loud voice, even if it got him in trouble or got the knight in trouble. But Sir Seth would never give up his page, not for all the money in the world because Adam was his bestest best friend.
So one day, Sir Seth was riding in on his horse with Adam on the donkey next to him. Seth had heard that the town was having a problem with a certain dragon. The king had written Seth a letter asking for his help to save the pretty princess named Crystal.
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“Barbara, her name is Barbara,” Adam gave a grin, exposing his missing front teeth.
“Ewww! Not Barabara! She’s gross!”
“She is not gross!” Adam threw a pillow at his friend in the other bed.
“Come on boys stop it or there won’t be any more story tonight,” Crystal said.
The boys settled down.
“Good, now, back to the story.”
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The dragon had stolen the very pretty princess named Janet and taken her to the mountains in the very cold snow. So Seth and Adam rode in as quickly as they could to see if they could do anything about the problem.
As they rode through the dirt streets of the town, Adam pointed to the mountains where a big green spot could be seen.
“That must be the dragon!” he yelled and Seth looked.
“Yes it is. That must be one huge dragon!” he told his friend and they stopped to watch a line of bright red fly from what they hoped was the dragon’s mouth. “We’ve got to find the king and fast!”
So they hurried along the street to the large castle that lay just on the other side of a plush garden. The garden had belonged to the princess before she was kidnapped and while the servants tended to it, it didn’t seem as bright or happy without the princess there. She seemed to be able to make the sun sunnier, the days warmer, and the wind less harsh. To say she was loved a lot was an understatement.
The knight and his page rode their animals into the stable and Adam jumped off first to help Seth down. The stable boy came over and Seth handed him two gold coins to take care of the horse and the donkey. The knight and his page left and took the stone steps up to the doors and knocked.
“Do you think the princess is pretty?” Adam asked with much interest, looking over at his best friend.
Seth nodded. “I’ve heard that she’s the fairest princess in this whole country!”
“What about the neighboring country?”
Seth had to think about that one. “Well, I’ve heard that they say their princess is prettier but I’ll believe that when I see it.”
“We’ve got to be loyal to our country.” Adam nodded and looked at the door. “Maybe they’re not home?”
“They should be.” He knocked again. “They said they would be home at this time in the letter.”
A more people sized door opened in the very large wooden doors and a short man walked out, looking up at the knight and the page. “Yes?”
“I am Sir Seth, knight, and this is my page, Adam. The king called for us.”
“OH!” The man jumped and ushered them inside before he ran off to the throne room.
“Are we supposed to follow him?” Adam whispered.
Seth shook his head. “I don’t think so.”
After a few minutes, the two found themselves rather bored waiting for the short servant to come back.
“I spy with my little eye something grey.”
Seth looked around the room, trying to spot something grey. “Is it… the wall?”
“Darn, you got it! Your turn.”
“I spy with my little eye something red.”
“Oh I know this one! It’s the rug!”
“You could have taken more time guessing, Adam!”
Adam laughed and was about to speak when the servant ran back to them.
“I am sorry for the wait, Sir Seth. The king will see you now.”
The man led the two into the throne room.
“Woah…” Adam looked around the large room. Two rows of three very tall and thick stone pillars held the roof up and he could have swore there was at least a quarter of a mile from the door to the thrones. No wonder it had taken so long for the little servant to get from them to the king and back. “Dude, one day I am going to be a king!”
“You highnesses may I present to you Sir Seth and his page Adam!”
The two men began their long walk down the lush red carpet to the throne where the king and queen sat looking a lot like ants.
“I bet you I could pick them up and eat them,” Adam whispered and they both chuckled.
Finally they made it to the throne and both got down on one knee and bowed.
“Your highnesses,” Seth greeted then stood. He tapped Adam to tell him to get up as well. “I’ve gotten your letter about your princess and the dragon—”
He was cut off by the queen. “Oh it was horrible! We were all asleep and because of our daughter’s fair skin she sleeps in one of the towers for the better air flow. And then in the middle of the night we heard this loud roaring! Now we know that the dragon has been living in the mountains for years and we never paid him any mind. He was good for keeping out the neighboring country. But then he swooped in and ripped the tower right off of its stand and carried it away. Our daughter was screaming the whole way.” She began crying and her husband, the king, had to console her, rubbing her back as he hugged her awkwardly from his seat.
“Can you help us?” he asked in his kind and deep voice.
Seth nodded. “Of course we can! But we are tired tonight from the long ride here--”
“And hungry!” Adam piped up, grinning from ear to ear.
“I was just getting there. And we’re hungry. Could we ask for room and board here or should we go to the inn?”
“No! I would not have you stay in the inn when we have plenty of rooms here. Barry, have two rooms fixed up for our guests and get the staff cooking a grand meal! I want dinner ready for the whole court in two hours tops!”
Barry nodded and ran off.
The hours passed, dinner was served and once it was consumed Adam and Seth were led off to their rooms. But instead of going into the separate rooms, which were right next door to each other, they both went into Seth’s room to talk over what they were going to do.
“Any ideas?” Adam asked just before he jumped onto the bed. The pillows went flying into the air and landed in disarray where they started.
Seth grabbed one of the pillows and sat down in the edge of the bed. He hugged the pillow to his chest.
“Uh oh, it’s the thinking face!” Adam stopped and leaned in to look at the expression his friend wore a little better. “Or the ‘I’ve got to poo’ face.”
“I’m thinking you numbskull!” Seth hit the page in the face with the pillow.
Adam fell back onto the bed, looking stunned as he stared at the roof.
“I’ve got it! We leave early in the morning, before the sun is even up and we ride into the mountains. When we get there, the sun should have just gotten up. Once the dragon leaves to find breakfast, we run in, take back the princess and bring her home. We get paid, we get credit, we go home. It’s easy and done like that!”
Adam sat up and stared at the knight. “That sounds very much like a plan a pansy would come up with. Where are the daring rescues? The sword fights with the dragon as it blows walls of fire at you? Huh? Where’s the adventure in waiting until the dragon is gone and saving the princess then? Huh?”
Seth frowned. “You’re right. What am I thinking! So we ride in there at sun up and get into a fight to the death with the dragon then come out on top with the princess!”
“Only one problem.”
“I’m just a page on a donkey.”
Again Seth frowned. “Well… then tomorrow we get you a horse and you will be a page on a horse. So you can’t fight, that’s no big deal! You can carry the princess home on your horse!”
Adam beamed. “Oh that is so cool! I get to ride the princess home! But what is she’s actually ugly?”
“Shh!! Don’t let the king hear you!”
Adam covered his mouth with both hands and looked at the door. “I’m sure that she is very pretty!” he said loudly then looked at the knight again.
“We should go to bed if we’re going to be getting up early and get you a horse.”
Adam got off the bed with a nod and headed for the door. “Wow, me, a horse, and I get to carry the princess back from the dragon. Golly.”
In the morning, Seth woke Adam up extra early and the duo made their way quietly through the castle. They didn’t want to make any commotion in the castle that would send a wakeup call to the dragon they were trying to surprise.
Seth had to bargain with the stable boy for a horse and ended up paying him five gold coins, a piece of string and the donkey in trade for the horse for keeps.
They climbed aboard their horses and rode off into the faint blue of the morning. The ride from the castle to the mountains wasn’t that long actually. The sun was just barely up over the hills when they reached the base and it was only another half an hour till they reached where they wanted to be.
The cave entrance was huge! And lucky for them there was a small rock wall not too far from said entrance. They hid behind it and peeked out. They could see right into the cave where the sleeping dragon lay curled up around the piece of the tower it had stolen from the castle.
“Well, this is it,” Seth said as he held his sword in his hand, preparing himself to go in and fight the giant beast for glory.
Adam put a hand on Seth’s shoulder, “I’ll miss you man. It was nice knowing you.”
Seth stared for a moment then almost melted onto the ground. “Adam! Why did you say that?! Now you’ve got me thinking I’m going to DIE in there!”
Adam raised an eyebrow. “You probably are. Did you see how HUGE that thing is? I mean it’s monstrous!” He paused for a moment. “Hey, when you do die, can I have your stuff?”
Seth wasn’t sure if he wanted to punch his best friend or not. He had just psyched himself up for this battle and now he was being torn down. But he had a job to do. He promised the queen he would get her daughter back and back he was going to get her. He raised his sword. “For honor!”
“And pretty women!” Adam added, throwing his fist into the air.
“And pretty women!” Seth repeated then charged into the cave.
Adam watched it all from the safety of the rock wall.
Seth got a few good cuts in on the dragon before the beast was up on its feet. But once it was up, Seth spent most of his time running away from the waterfalls of fire that chased him around and the feet that tried to crush him into road kill. It was going a lot worse than either of them had anticipated.
Well, Adam had figured his friend would die anyways. He wondered how much the ruby studded saddle back at their home would sell for. He could probably sell that saddle and retire early. Forget training to become a knight, he would just sell Seth’s things and live the good life.
Then Seth came running out and jumped behind the rock wall as fire erupted from behind him. He pressed himself against the wall. “I’m getting my butt kicked!”
“I noticed. Did you see the princess?”
Seth nodded, panting.
“Is she hot?”
Seth grinned and nodded again. “Oh yea, she’s really hot.” He slid down the wall to sit on the ground and closed his eyes. “I’m going to need your help to get this done.”
“What? But I’m not a knight! I can’t do that!” Adam quickly shook his head.
Seth stood up and pulled his sword out again. “I’ll make you a knight.”
“I thought only a king or a queen could do that.”
“In dire situations, I can act as a king or queen and make you a temporary knight. You do this with me and we will share the glory and the king will definitely make you a real knight when we get back.”
Adam looked unsure.
“Come on! We can be Knights of the Round Table!”
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“Come on! We can be Knights of the Round Table!”
The babysitter looked confused for a moment as she stared at Seth. “What?”
“We’re knights of the square table.”
“Because,” Adam said, adding to his friend’s statement, “‘round’ is not a shape. ‘Round’ is another word for ‘fat’ and we do not sit at fat tables.”
The baby sitter sighed and shook her head. “All right, you can be Knights of the Square Table.”
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“Come on! We can be Knights of the Square Table!”
Adam grinned. “Awesome! We’re too cool for the Knights of the Oddly Oblong Table!”
“Down on one knee, page!” Seth stood all tall and mighty as he spoke.
Adam nodded and got down on one knee. He put a fist over his heart and bowed his head.
“I, Sir Seth, knight thee Sir Adam in the name of honor,” he tapped one shoulder with his blade, “courage,” he tapped the other shoulder, “and square tables!” He tapped the top of Adam’s head on the last part and grinned. He pulled his sword back and Adam got up.
“Thank you, brother Seth! Now! Let us fight this dragon for the sake of the pretty girl!” He punched the air.
“First you need this,” Seth walked over to his horse and pulled out his back up sword. He handed it to his comrade, handle first.
Adam’s eyes went wide as he took the blade. “Oooo sweet Jesus. I never thought I’d get to touch this outside of polishing it for you.”
Seth grinned. “Now let us go and fight for the pretty woman!”
They both lifted their swords high into the air and ran once more into the cave.
Their swords swung through the air, slicing through the beast’s legs and sides, blocking the fire as it was spat at them as if they were infused with magic. Together they fought bravely as Knights of the Round—er, Square Table.
After what was a really long battle, the knights stood victorious on the shoulder of the fallen dragon. Together they raised their swords and plunged them into the creature’s chest and right into its still heart. They gave out their victory yells and jumped down onto the ground.
Seth walked over to the tower and held his hand towards the window not too far above his head. “Come now, princess, all is safe for you to come out now.”
A blonde head popped out of the window and looked around before she fully stuck her upper body from her confines. “Oh valiant knight, you have saved me from the dreadful beast! What shall I call you?”
“My name is Sir Seth, Knight of the Square table but it wasn’t just me, princess, but my fellow Knight of the Square Table as well. May I present, Sir Adam.”
Adam walked over and waved up at her with a dorky grin.
“Oh, I have such handsome saviors!” She smiled.
Adam leaned over to Seth and whispered, “She really is hot.”
Seth chuckled and nodded.
“Catch me!” She jumped out of her window and landed right in Adam’s arms.
They three of them rode off on their horses, the princess riding, as promised, on Adam’s horse with him.
When they made it back to the castle, there was much joy and celebration. Adam was knighted for his courageous help in saving the princess and was given permission to marry the girl.
Adam declined saying that he had too many adventures ahead of him with his comrade and any other knights who wanted to join them at the Square Table because they don’t sit at fat tables.
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“And the moral of the story is bros before hos!” Adam said loudly, holding his fist in the air.
The baby sitter’s eyes went wide. “Where did you learn that?”
“My big sister’s boyfriend.”
“Don’t say that again or you’ll get me and yourself in trouble.” Crystal nodded.
“Oh, ok.” Adam smiled innocently.
“So what did you guys think of the story.”
“It was cool but needed more action and blood!” Seth bounced in his bed.
Crystal the baby sitter laughed, “Ok ok, calm down. Next time there will be more action and blood.”
“And next time, I want to get the girl.”
“Just to turn her down because I am so much cooler!” Adam sent a small glare at his friend in the other bed.
“Ok ok, right to sleep, both of you.” Crystal got up and pushed the chair back under the desk. “Good night.” She flicked the light off and vanished down the hall.
The both of them laid there in the dark, listening to the crickets outside.
And then they heard a man’s voice in the living room and a light squeal from their baby sitter. Both boys shot up in bed.
“Oh no! The dragon’s got the princess!” Seth said in a hurried whisper and climbed out of bed, reaching under his bed for the foam pirate swords won at a carnival days before. He tossed one to Adam.
Adam was the first one out the door followed closely by Seth. Both boys had their swords raised in the air as they ran around the couch.
“Never fear princess! The Knights of the Square Table are here to save you!” Adam announced then jumped onto the man on the couch. Seth did the same.
“Die foul beast!” They began beating the baby sitter’s boyfriend with their swords.
The boyfriend began to squirm, laughing and yelping at the same time
“It’s not working, Seth!”
They began to really go to town before the man decided it would be smart to play dead. He fell onto the ground with one last fake roar then let his tongue fall out of his mouth and lay motionless.
Seth and Adam stood and grinned at each other before poking the ‘beast’ in the chest with their swords.
“See princess? We told you the Square Table would save you!” Adam said with a grin.
Crystal dried her tears of laughter and sat up on the couch. “Ok, come on, back to bed for my heroes. You’ve had a long day and fighting that monster must have worn you out.” She ushered them back to their room and into their own beds. “Good night.” She left them again.
“That was fun!” One whispered to the other.
Silence fell and soon they were both asleep.